This Club

I’ve become a member of what may seem like the saddest club on the planet. It is sad. It’s not a club many are trying to gain entry to either. There are some really good people here though.

October 15 is natural pregnancy, stillbirth, infant and child loss day. The statistic is 1 in 4 women have experienced one of those horrible things. In my personal circle of friends the number seems much higher, and many have experienced those things more than once.

I haven’t shared any pictures of Milo’s visitation yet. I had been unsure if I wanted to publicly or even privately. I took pictures of him, many pictures, but it was unlike any other pictures I’ve ever tried to take. I had envisioned some shots in my mind that I just didn’t know until I was with him, after he had been prepared by the funeral home, that they just weren’t possible. Some qualities of him were already forever changed and unable to be put in ways that made sense to me. I did manage to take a couple I really like and I think look the most like him.

Tonight I’ve seen pictures of so many other Littles that were photographed after they had passed. I’m finally ready to share Milo’s final picture. They last one I’ll ever have been able to take of his chubby cheeks, pouty lips, and gorgeous lashes.

This club I’m now a member of is strong. It is vast. It is filled with so many, who have given so much of their hearts and had them broken, but yet they still carry on. Their example and guidance is leading me through this convoluted journey. I am not alone.

Tonight we remember all the babies born too soon, born silently, and those who couldn’t stay.


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