Today I wish I knew exactly what happened. I just want to know why. The waiting to hopefully be told what killed my perfect baby is dragging me down. I just can’t fathom what would do this. He was completely normal, growing, thriving, and about to turn one.
I tried to get some work done today. I tried to go down and edit some images and work on thank you cards. I stumbled into the folders of images from the summer and found this gorgeous smile. This was taken 2 weeks before he died. I was preparing for his birthday pictures and testing lights. You can see all his new teeth, his tanned face, and how his hair was lightened from spending lots of afternoons at the park.
He just looks so normal. Nothing about this boy would make you think he would suddenly go into cardiac arrest and not respond to CPR. I can only imagine this state of confusion and unjust is similar to when you loose someone who is killed by a drunk driver or other chaotic accident. It always seems like the nicest and least deserving people are killed so tragically. It happens everyday though. Every. Single. Day. It’s dizzying when you become involved in the world of grieving how many people are just walking around so wounded and distraught.
We’ve been told it will take a minimum of 3 months before we can expect to hear anything about Milo’s autopsy. I hope we can figure something out as to why this all happened. I now live in fear that they won’t Continue reading “How and Why”